Happiness

I have discovered that the more I pray, the happier I become. My prayer life has gotten better, so in turn, my life has gotten better. God truly does listen. I wish I would have come to this realization a lot earlier. I am very happy right now... everything seems to be going in the right direction... towards God. I am living my life fully for Jesus and am working toward a better relationship with Him. Oh if I could only share this happiness I feel with more people... I pray that God will show me how to accomplish this.

Time for change

I've decided that there needs to be some changes in my life. It needs to be far more God centered. I need to focus on the Lord more than myself.... and I need to focus more on helping others than helping myself. BUT, the one thing I need to correct most in my life is to make stronger my relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ. I have felt the times that I have drifted away and I adore the times I become closer. It's time for a change and that time is NOW.

Here we go again :)

Well, I've discovered that it has been an extremely long time since I have updated this blog. All the way back in October.... wow. Aaron has passed away. I still can't say anything other than passed away.... it's still not completely real. I miss him so much. He is in a better place and out of pain, but I still miss him. I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever completely realize that he is gone. Cancer is such a horrible thing. I don't understand it... why does it kill only a select number of people? Why was Aaron the one that had to go?

I will probably never understand God's ways. He has a plan that I wish I knew more about. I feel like some days I'm just there... no real goal in sight, just living to be alive. I feel like I have grown tremendously close to God in the past few months and expanded in my faith. I'm very intrigued to discover what God has in store for me. I want to know what is going to happen in my life, what the next step is that I should take. Where do I go from here? My main question that I would just like to throw out there into oblivion is this: What is my vocation???? I wish that God would reveal this to me more than anything. I shall dwell on this in prayer.

Good and Bad.....

There are good new happenings and bad new happenings... good have to do with school and bad have to do with people.

Good: I aced my Journalism quiz and did quite well on my Calc exam and Leadership exam.

Bad: Aaron is almost gone.

I don't know why this is so hard to accept. I have known for over a year that he would be gone soon. I don't think I ever realized what "gone" actually means. Gone.... as in, not alive anymore, not here on Earth, not with us, gone. The good of the bad is that Aaron will not be in pain anymore, he will be freed of suffering and anything bad in this natural life. He will be in Heaven where I yearn to be... if only... if only...

It's so odd... this feeling... I feel like I want to praise God for freeing Aaron of his torture and yet I am unbelievably sad. I know Aaron will be in a better place, but I will miss him so. Every time I think about it, a tear comes to my eye... I just wish that this whole waiting process would be over and Aaron would no longer be in pain and yet I don't want him gone. I'm sick of this mixture of feelings... I wish I didn't think about it so much.

Much love to you Aaron. ♥

Life at Central

The first several weeks here at Central have been interesting. Not all great, not all horrible, but for the most part, decent. I've gotten a chance to join a few different groups around campus, get to know countless different people and have a lot of fun. My classes are going okay... they could be better. I guess college is harder than high school after all. :) Anyway... I'm really loving dorm life, I feel so free and able to do whatever I want, when I want. It's kind of great. I went to a concert this weekend with Jeff, Jason and Mariah and that was pretty awesome. I've been introduced to such a variety of music since I've been here and I've really like a lot of it. I've been testing the staying up past 3am thing and well I don't think I'm going to continue doing that several nights in a row... doesn't work too well. Even if I do sleep in... it just feels weird and my schedule gets thrown off. But yeah, I've already been sick once... this past week... but thank goodness I'm finally over my cold! I still have a tiny cough and a sometimes runny nose but for the most part, I'm feeling a lot better. Well I'm still waiting on a response from someone... that is one thing that I absolutely despise about not talking to people in person... it takes FOREVER to hear back when you write a letter... and for a highly impatient person, that is not a good thing. Anyway.... that's about all I have for today, I may post another fun audioblog thing sometime soon... we'll see what happens.

Expectations have far been exceeded

College... my new home. I have already gained a few shreads of maturity from living away from home for two weeks. It sure is different, but great. I have had so much fun getting to know everyone, hanging out all the time, getting interesting classes and doing, pretty much whatever I want. It's a weird feeling... but I think I like it. Some things are more difficult, as expected, but for the most part, everything has been better than I thought. I think I'm really going to enjoy all of my classes, my professors seem really nice and the subjects seem interesting. My worries have pretty much disappeared and been replaced with glee. :-) I am home.... visiting... right now..... weird to say that. Visiting... not living... visiting. I think that's something I can get used to though. :-) Well I guess I better go spend some time with the family while I can, I'll write again soon!

It's official

I have packed my first few bags. I am officially nearly almost ready to move in. Yeah.... I'm super excited to move in, yet.... not quite ready. It seems as if this week could not possibly go any slower but at the same time, I kind of want it to.... in an odd sort of way. I guess I just am getting a little nervous about how my roommates and I are going to get along, I mean, when we talked on the phone and such we seemed to get along fine, but then again, that's not living together. Honestly, I think it will be fine, but I guess those thoughts are just in the back of my mind. I'm just so glad that I don't have to work at Kmart anymore, for a long time at least... I might possibly work on breaks and such, but that's about the extent of it. Kmart wasn't a horrible job, but it wasn't large amounts of fun either. Well, we're down to one day and a half before move-in... don't you ever wish you could just give time a shove?