Spiritual Drought

There are times when I find no matter how hard I try, I keep falling. My focus is blurred and priorities have faded. The point is mute and locating a path becomes more difficult than it's worth.

I want to find my way back. Back to the relationship that meant so much. I want to be tested. I want to know that my efforts are worth something. Life keeps tossing obstacle after obstacle my way and instead of them making me stronger, they lead me astray. This challenge has become a mountain I am too weak to climb. Who knows where God is leading me. All I know is if I don't make a motion to change, I won't like where I end up.

I don't know how long it's been, but I feel like I'm just drifting. Some days I feel like I'm just there. I'm just existing to exist. I haven't pushed for more. I haven't worked to better myself. I'm tired of the apathetic feeling.

I know there are dry spells in everyone's faith journey. I suppose this must be mine.

I need a renewed hope. I need a spiritual jump start. Clearly what I have been doing has not worked. I have failed in many ways to be there for those who need it. I became preoccupied with my own problems and gave up opportunity to help others. I want this to change. I have not been myself. I have thwarted opportunities to make a real difference. This IS going to change.

I don't want to show anything but a genuine smile. To speak philosophically, I want to achieve Aristotelian happiness. In all honesty, it is a sort of "achievement" to reach that point. Thankfully, with Christ all things are possible. (So to summarize Philippians 4:13... my favorite verse.)