God's Providence

I can't sleep, so I figured that I might as well write down what's running through my head.

I am in complete awe of God's loving mercy and incredible grace. I have had some of the biggest challenges of my life in the last 6 months. Yet, I still know that I am profoundly blessed by God's grace. Even through the struggles and the hardships - God has revealed His glory and brilliance.

I have always believed that the devil attacks those who strive to do God's work. The devil especially attacks those who are in close communion with God. I have always believed this to be true. However, after being exposed to the devil's attacks... I KNOW this to be true. I did believe before, but it has become SO real.

Ever since I began my new job, there have been ups and downs all throughout. I know that successes and failures will come and go all the time; but, knowing something doesn't always prepare you for living through it. I found myself allowng the rollercoaster of successes and failures to determine my emotional state. This is not healthy. So, lately, I have tried my best to detach myself from those works and keep in mind that I have been called here to do God's work to the best of my ability, and delight in that work, no matter what the outcome. This is quite a challenge, but worth the effort.

Amidst attempting to keep myself detached from particular outcomes - I am also trying to detach myself from being discouraged by major roadblocks along the way; and working to discover the positive side of these things.

Most recently - I have had relentless issues with my car. It's funny because, every time, I think to myself... oh wow, it definitely could be worse. I just hope and pray that if I keep saying this - it doesn't continue to get worse, haha. It started with my breaks rusting out in a parking lot and basically exploding break fluid all over the place. I had to get it towed and all that fixed. But, praise God it happened when (and where) it did - because I was headed on a 12 hour trip in just a few days. Next, my car gets backed into by another person. THANKFULLY, no severe damage was done, just a dented bumper. I may still look into getting it fixed. However, just today... my tire went flat. I knew I needed to get new tires and was planning to get them looked at soon - but apparently they really couldn't wait one more day. (The latest I was going to have them checked out was going to be Monday.) Once again, praise God it happened when (and where) it did. I was on my way to a (nearby) discussion group. Thanks be to God that my friends were able to help me out and this did not occur on my 4-5 hour trek back from Kansas City. My guardian angel certainly has a rough job and is doing it very well.

After all this (and more), I have learned so much. I have learned about myself, how I deal with things -- and more importantly, how I can better deal with things. If anything, all these transitions in my life are allowing me the opportunity to better myself. I'm discovering new ways to cope through the trials of life and methods to help enrich the opportunities laid before me. I have discovered that it is better to embrace the suffering granted to me instead of despairing in it. I have taken this time to better develop my spiritual, social, physical and emotional aspects of life. I'm on different levels with each one, of course; but am granted the opportunity to grow in each area. I am very blessed and for that I am thankful. Praise be to God.

New Beginnings

In under a month, my life has done a 180. I went from a state uncertainty in nearly every aspect of my life to where I am now. I have an amazing full-time job, an apartment of my own and a bright future ahead of me. This is not to say I wasn't happy or trusting that through God's grace things would work out... only that I couldn't see any stability in my near future. Now, praise God, stability is unmistakably present and prominent.

My experiences in the last 4 months of my life are ones that I never expected, but would never take back. I enjoyed every challenge, every joy and every opportunity.

As I adjust to my new surroundings, I'm realizing that living alone may not be the worst thing ever (as I previously had imagined). I have been blessed with an opportunity to get to know myself and focus more on my work and my relationship with God. I can budget my own time, prioritize and more easily navigate my life to allow for greater efficiency. However, I am still learning the challenges of living by myself. I have to be more of a self-starter than ever. I have to push myself to keep my priorities in line and not lose track of where I spend my time and where keep my focus.

Last night I attended a wonderful young adults' group in the area. I realized that fellowship in the faith is undoubtedly something I cannot live without. There are reasons that "faith community" and other similar phrases are emphasized upon discussion of growing in the faith. Personal growth and reflection is definitely important -- but sharing that faith with others is essential as well.

The discussion last night also made me realize how much I need to keep intellectual reading and conversation a part of my life. Discussing philosophy and theology invigorates me and I really miss having classes and regular discussions on the topics. However, keeping up on pro-life literature and other books in my library will certainly help. =) All in all, life is good and is looking better all the time.

Rediscovering Beauty

I meant to write on this topic a long time ago and am hoping I remember all that I wanted to say... so, I may come back to it for further editing.

I've come to rediscover that everything has an innate beauty. This is a fact that I have been subconsciously aware of, but never truly thought about much. The more you look at something and concentrate on it-- the more you are able to realize the essence of beauty that it holds. Some beauty is more hidden and some is thrown in your face.

The root of all beauty is in God. The intention of true beauty is to call us closer to God Himself and permit growth in relationship with Him. There is a reason we strive to make ourselves and things around us visually appealing. We want to draw people in. Beauty is inviting and causes almost immediate interest. Why do you think there are industries dedicated to decor, fashion, architecture, art, music, design, etc... ?

What I'm getting at here is this. Striving to bring beauty into our lives and others' is incredibly important. Dullness should be avoided and driven away. We all know this at our core, and do indeed strive for it, but may not realize that we are doing it. However, something even more important than striving for beauty, is recognizing it. We need to appreciate it in our daily lives and realize that its foundation lies in God.

When I started thinking about this idea, I was sitting in the middle of downtown Chicago on the train. I began noticing the architecture, the design of the city, the people, the (seldom) nature... I became fascinated and in awe of the gifts God has given us to appreciate.

After noticing the beauty surrounding me, I started thinking about the fact that I, myself, was created in the image and likeness of God -- as are all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I have heard this fact countless times. But, when rediscovering something so incomprehensible... it's somewhat overwhelming. This made me consider how I and others try to capture that beauty in the manner of how we present ourselves. Am I living up to the expectations God has for me? Am I helping others to do the same? Do I embrace the beauty in others and truly recognize it? I could go on for hours with the thoughts that go along with this. I think I have to blame Mr. G.K. Chesterton for this one... he brought me back in touch with my love of philosophy. :)