Life Changes

The last time I wrote in this blog was a little too long ago. I hope I can keep up a little better from here on out.

Again, I just have to say... God is SO good. I have gone through plenty of ups and downs over these many months. I have grown in my faith thanks to trials and blessings.

I continue to go in circles of wanting to know God's will for my life and then praising Him to no end for not revealing it to me too soon. I can't count the number of times I have looked back and nothing but the word "wow" can emerge from my mouth.

I really wonder what God is thinking sometimes. His ways will always be a mystery to me, His plans always falling into place so perfectly. You would think that after so many times of having the (seemingly) impossible things work out, I would just completely trust that He will take care of me. But, there goes human weakness. Isn't it funny how one of the major "human weaknesses" is to try and be too strong? I know that is an overwhelming weakness of mine.

I recently heard someone say, "Did God ever tell anyone in the Bible or elsewhere in history to go do something that is 100% fool-proof with merely their own abilities?" Absolutely not. God is famous for asking the impossible, which encourages us to trust in HIM and rely on His strength, not our own.

Whenever I look ahead in life and try to figure it out... it's like I'm looking through a pinhole while God has the birds eye view with instant zoom. There's no competing with that.

With only about 11 days until my patron saint, St. Therese of Lisieux's feast day - I am reminded of her little way. She has undoubtedly helped me throughout my life in countless ways. She has taught me so many things about our Lord and how to love. I'm going to do my best to stop trying to figure out God's will all the time and just trust that He DOES know what He's doing.

God's Providence

I can't sleep, so I figured that I might as well write down what's running through my head.

I am in complete awe of God's loving mercy and incredible grace. I have had some of the biggest challenges of my life in the last 6 months. Yet, I still know that I am profoundly blessed by God's grace. Even through the struggles and the hardships - God has revealed His glory and brilliance.

I have always believed that the devil attacks those who strive to do God's work. The devil especially attacks those who are in close communion with God. I have always believed this to be true. However, after being exposed to the devil's attacks... I KNOW this to be true. I did believe before, but it has become SO real.

Ever since I began my new job, there have been ups and downs all throughout. I know that successes and failures will come and go all the time; but, knowing something doesn't always prepare you for living through it. I found myself allowng the rollercoaster of successes and failures to determine my emotional state. This is not healthy. So, lately, I have tried my best to detach myself from those works and keep in mind that I have been called here to do God's work to the best of my ability, and delight in that work, no matter what the outcome. This is quite a challenge, but worth the effort.

Amidst attempting to keep myself detached from particular outcomes - I am also trying to detach myself from being discouraged by major roadblocks along the way; and working to discover the positive side of these things.

Most recently - I have had relentless issues with my car. It's funny because, every time, I think to myself... oh wow, it definitely could be worse. I just hope and pray that if I keep saying this - it doesn't continue to get worse, haha. It started with my breaks rusting out in a parking lot and basically exploding break fluid all over the place. I had to get it towed and all that fixed. But, praise God it happened when (and where) it did - because I was headed on a 12 hour trip in just a few days. Next, my car gets backed into by another person. THANKFULLY, no severe damage was done, just a dented bumper. I may still look into getting it fixed. However, just today... my tire went flat. I knew I needed to get new tires and was planning to get them looked at soon - but apparently they really couldn't wait one more day. (The latest I was going to have them checked out was going to be Monday.) Once again, praise God it happened when (and where) it did. I was on my way to a (nearby) discussion group. Thanks be to God that my friends were able to help me out and this did not occur on my 4-5 hour trek back from Kansas City. My guardian angel certainly has a rough job and is doing it very well.

After all this (and more), I have learned so much. I have learned about myself, how I deal with things -- and more importantly, how I can better deal with things. If anything, all these transitions in my life are allowing me the opportunity to better myself. I'm discovering new ways to cope through the trials of life and methods to help enrich the opportunities laid before me. I have discovered that it is better to embrace the suffering granted to me instead of despairing in it. I have taken this time to better develop my spiritual, social, physical and emotional aspects of life. I'm on different levels with each one, of course; but am granted the opportunity to grow in each area. I am very blessed and for that I am thankful. Praise be to God.

Priority

As defined by the Encarta World English Dictionary:

pri·or·i·ty [ prī áwrətee ]

1.     greatest importance: the state of having most importance or urgency

2.     somebody or something important: somebody or something that is ranked highly in terms of importance or urgency

3.     right of precedence: the right to be ranked above other

Now that we have an understanding of the word by definition... how would this word apply in someone's everyday life?

Americans live and breathe "priorities." But, have we ever really stopped to think about what measuring stick we're using to prioritize? I have recently undergone a lot of changes in my life, which have resulted in a great deal of re-thinking and re-organizing my priorities. I have to be honest, the way in which my priorities are listed are quite different than they might have appeared a year ago.

In today's Gospel, Jesus tells a parable of a rich man. This parable essentially discusses priorities. How we behave in this life does in fact have an impact on our next life. Where is God placed in the scheme of things?In the past several months that I have gone through so many transitions, it has sometimes been difficult for me to put God first. It's funny how the times you need Him most are the times you fail to seek Him. It has taken a decent amount of time, but I have finallly discovered some methods to avoid doing so. In order for me to put God first, I have to invite Him into my life more. He is a true Gentleman... He will not "intrude" without an invitation.

So, I began setting aside daily times to pray. It seems so simple, but in all actuality - it was difficult for me to do. Reason being, I had always "tried" to fit in times here and there and never really had a set time to pray. For my kind of personality, I need structure if I am going to remember to do something daily. Once I set this time aside and it became regular... it's amazing how much God has made a difference already. When I simply let Him into my life, things changed very quickly. I became happier. At times (when I first moved into my apartment) I felt lonely. Once I began daily prayer, the loneliness disappeared; this happened not only because God filled the void... but because He brought some wonderful people into my life.

As soon as I made God my first priority, everything else fell into place. My life is still busy and hectic, but it makes more sense and doesn't feel empty. Moving to a new place, starting a new job and leaving everything you know 600 miles behind you is a hefty task. I had no idea what I was initially getting myself into... but God did. He knew I would need Him. He knew what I could handle and carried me through the roughest times. I never want to feel as low as I did when I was first faced with all of these big life changes. I want to be armed with God behind me every step of the way. As I said, God is a Gentleman. So, He will always be there... you just have to invite Him to come closer and you will discover His abounding grace.

Sunday Reflections

I've been trying my best to be a little bit more reflective and analytical of what has happened in my life lately. I have had a massive swirl of changes that all occurred within a very short span of time. In all reality, I have been abundantly blessed. I need to learn more of how to appreciate that fact.

I'm realizing that every challenge that has been thrown in my direction has been an opportunity. When I recount my experience of first moving to where I am now... I am astounded at how God guided me through that journey. The first challenge was the incredibly long drive. I was fortunate to remember that two good friends live approximately halfway through the 10 hour drive. So, my sister and I stayed at their place and had a wonderful time catching up and spending some time with them. Many good things came from that decision. Then, once my sister and I got to my new apartment, I was given an opportunity to embrace patience with the staff of the complex... and perseverance in dealing with the humid 106 degree temperatures and the flight of stairs that stood between my 2 carloads of stuff and my new home. The challenges that immediately followed included time constraints, gate changes for my flight and a severe lack of sleep.

Even though it was a very time-pressed weekend moving in, I appreciate how God eased me into my new life. After that weekend, I spent a week of training in DC and met lots of great people. It gave me the mental and inspirational support I needed. Once the week was over, I was exhausted... but in a way that made me realize what was to come. It was only the beginning! I got back to my region and jumped in head-first. Started going off to schools, making meetings and appointments and working as hard as I could. My first week was not as productive as I had hoped. However, I was able to reflect, look at the mistakes I made along the way and work to improve.

The next challenges that came were a bit more unexpected. Dealing with a bit of loneliness and frustrations with those who disagreed with the work I do has been difficult. Fortunately I am slowly meeting people, found a great young adults' group and a small discussion group to attend. All the people are great and it's so good to be back sharing the faith with others. It is so important to have fellowship to help keep you on track and feel like you're not alone in this journey. I know the challenge of loneliness will fade with time, but I just need to get over the obstacle now and press on. Facing the opposition is a whole different story. It's necessary to learn strength and not let attacks touch you at such a personal level. That is one aspect I don't believe I prepared myself for very well. It will take some learning and strategy, but I know it can be overcome.

All in all, things are good... I just need to take these challenges and use them as opportunities like I previously stated. The only direction I can move is forward, the past is behind me and I only see better things lying ahead. For, "if the what you did yesterday still looks big to you, you haven't done much today."

Time Management 101

168.

That is an important number. Why? That is the number of hours you have this week to make the most of your time.

What is most important to you? With what do you spend most of your time? If the answer to these two questions isn't even comparatively similar, something is awry.

I just attended a talk this evening given by a very contemplative man, Mr. Harry Kraemer Jr. The topic was titled "Being Catholic in the Corporate World: Becoming a Values-Based Leader." However, I feel that the talk could've been more appropriately titled, "Values-Based Time Management 101." Mr. Kraemer held great passion behind everything he said and was incredibly engaging. He highlighted several things that must be taken into account when living a life comprised of so many factors. The key elements he pointed out that are necessary to live a successful life -- successful, that is, by one's own standards, not standards of others -- are as follows:

• Self-Reflection
• Balance
• True Self-Confidence
• Humility

I think the most thought-provoking thing he said was this: “If you’re not self-reflective, do you really know yourself? If not, then can you lead yourself? And if you can’t lead yourself, then how can you lead other people?”

This talk has given me a lot of things to reflect on and think about. Where DO I spend my time? When a day "flies by," what is that supposed to mean? It's easy to lose track of time when you're doing things that have no possible time-measurement. Good examples of these are TV, the internet, etc. Sometimes time can fly by and it's perfectly OK. However, we need to be watchful of where the majority of our time is being spent. I know that I am guilty of spending my time in areas of little significance. I don't always prioritize and I am aware that I need to work on that.

Another good example Mr. Kraemer mentioned is keeping track of where we place others on our "priority list." If you lose track of how many times someone who is important to you asks to spend some time together... that person may stop asking. You must reflect on the times you have felt the need to turn someone away or deny them your time. Was it really for something that took priority over that person or was it just inconveniencing you? I am by no means admitting that I am immune to doing this. In fact, I am sad to say -- upon reflection, I have done this many times.

Another thought from tonight that is worth contemplating is one that I will leave you with. Take the time to reflect and grow in evaluating where your time is spent. Mr. Kraemer put it very well:

"So many of us confuse activity with productivity -- are we truly being productive, or just active?"

"Hooked on a Failing"

I've been reading Scott Hahn's "The Lamb's Supper." I think I'll have to read it at least one more time to truly take in all that it has to offer. I've gone over six months without some kind of course in philosophy, so this book is rejuvenating.

The section that really caught my eye and got me thinking is about 3/4 into the book. The sub-section is titled "Hooked on a Failing." It discusses humankind's failure to fully recognize sin for what it is.

Hahn depicts the process of sin, "We have an obligation, first, to resist temptation. If we fail then and we sin, we have an obligation to repent immediately. If we do not repent, then God lets us have our way: He allows us to experience the natural consequences of our sins, the illicit pleasures. If we still fail to repent--through self-denial and acts of penance--God allows us to continue to sin, thereby forming a habit, a vice, which darkens our intellect and weakens our will."

WHOA! I think I have re-read this paragraph at least 3 times. There is SO much truth here. Following this section, Hahn further explains how the most merciful thing God can do for us once we have formed a habit or a vice is allow a 'calamity' to occur:

"Sometimes, disaster means that that the world the sinners knew must fade away. But, as Jesus said, "What does it profit a man, to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?" (Mk 8:36). It's better to bid farewell to a world of sin than to be lost without hope of repentance."

This is certainly a lot to take in and divulge. Hahn has a brilliant way of laying it out that forces you to think about how it relates to your life. Reflecting on this is helping me to understand a little more about those who have fallen away from the faith. God does not cause these people to step away from Him. Every choice in life can bring you closer or further away from God. The more steps you take away from God, the easier it becomes to sin. Therefore, it is logical to comprehend why some people appear to sin so easily, while for others-- the same sin would give them tremendous pause. God's grace inhabits your very being and influences your daily decisions-- but ONLY if you let Him. This explains so much for me personally on why at certain points in my life, I had incredible difficulty with sin... it had everything to do with me being distant from God. It is so clear now in retrospect. God normally prefers the 2x4 effect with me, but this time, I think it was a lesson that needed to be learned gradually. :)

Life, Love and Acceptance

It seems that when big things happen in my life, I am sure to become reflective. I begin to wonder how some of these things came to happen in my life and what could possibly come next.

My life has always been a series of roller-coasters. Some are fun and some make me throw up in the end. But, they all have varieties of twists, turns, loops and most have a very specific end. Some, however, take you in circles with (seemingly) no end in sight.

So many times in my life, I have been ungrateful for the blessings that have been bestowed on me. These times incur most often when I am blind to what I have been blessed with. It certainly seems to be an easy trap to fall into.

In the past several years of my life, I have learned what the concept of true love could be; though not in the sense that most people take it. I have endured the loss of a loved one. I have had my faith tried in trust, understanding and hope. I have given up on things that... I always thought I could accomplish.

However...

Through these trials and failures, I have learned a great deal. When I despaired, God gave me a reason to regain hope. When I became impatient for one thing, God surprised me with an even better plan than the first. When I thought trust was lost, truth brought about justice.

I realize that much of this is abstract. It is difficult to narrow down how God has worked in my life. The best way I can describe my experience is to sum it up with these words: my journey through life has, thus far, given me a chance to acquire the patience necessary to recognize God's loving will, and embrace it with a trusting acceptance that reaches beyond anything I could have imagined.

Contemplations

I started going through really old emails today- this got me thinking about how much I have changed in the last 5 years. I could hardly believe how different I was such a short time ago. It's amazing how fast people can grow up... My perspective, outlook and priorities have become so different than they were back then.

I used to be preoccupied with being 'liked'... now, I would rather be respected. I used to think I needed attention from guys... now, I am confident in who I am. I used to avoid confrontation like the plague... now, I am ready to face what is to come. I used to be obsessed with perfection in school... now, hahahah... uhm, I'm not. :) I used to sacrifice sleep consistently for school- I now realize sleep is far more valuable to stay sane and healthy. I used to stay only in my comfort zone within a specific social realm of people- now, I have knocked that wall down and opened up a bit. I was never much of a risk taker... now, I have taken leaps of faith that I never would've fathomed. (Like planning to go on World Youth Day in Australia by fund raising... haha) I have realized that completely laying your heart on the line is not always a good idea. I have learned that things may not go your way, but that doesn't mean they're not headed in the right direction. I have discovered that when you are standing for something that matters, life has a heck of a lot more meaning. Small losses don't even compete with the satisfying gains of self-fulfillment. These things are only the start of where my mind travelled today...

Latarae Sunday Reflections

Fr. Will gave an excellent homily at Mass today. He spoke about how we need to live our lives in such a way that allows God to reach beyond the surface. This needs to be reflected in how we relate to others.

I find this idea to be relevant to most everyone in this day and age. So many of us get caught up in surface-level communication... not allowing anyone to relate on a deeper level- because we realize subconsciously that it is safer. I know that I am definitely guilty of this. I put up walls and keep many people at a distance so as to keep from any kind of emotional pain. What is even more upsetting, is that this is also seeping into my relationship with God. I keep Him at a safe distance... close enough to feel like I'm relating with Him, yet far enough away to not let Him truly reach my heart. This is a difficult realization that I have come to... however, it seems that Lent is a perfect opportunity to remedy this problem.

I am going to take this Lent to help open my heart to deeper relationships with God and those around me. Fr. Will mentioned that modern technology has contributed to this issue- and it's so true. The ability to instant message, text message or use surface-level technology to "build relationships" with others is deceiving what we know to be an ordinary friendship. This is not to say that modern technology is intrinsically bad/evil by any means. This is merely to point out that we have allowed it to replace a lot of necessary person-to-person interaction that is needed for a solid relationship. It is more convenient and therefore a more common method of maintaining a relationship with another. It has also hindered our interactions with one-another when we are in-person. Conversations often fail to reach a deeper level and stay at the surface. It seems rare to have deep and meaningful conversations- reaching at Truth, truly getting to know someone, or revealing much of anything about a person. This doesn't apply to everyone of course, but it is definitely something to think about and consider.

Meaning Behind the Song

This has happened before. I had a song stuck in my head and no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't get it out. Last time it was The Frey's "You Found Me." It made sense at the time why after I thought about it. Sometimes words and/or songs stick in your head for a reason.

The song that I currently cannot seem to get out of my head is Kris Allen's "Live Like We're Dying." This song is catchy and has a good message. The lyrics are as follows:

Kris Allen - Live Like We’re Dying Lyrics

Sometimes we fall down and can’t get back up
We’re hiding behind skin that’s too tough
How come we don’t say I love you enough
Till it’s to late, it’s not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won’t come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we’re all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you
What would you wish you would’ve done

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbyes
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution
There’ll no one on the line

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live - like we’re dying

We never know a good thing till it’s gone
You never see a crash until it’s head on
All those people right when we’re dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it’s gone

Yeah… gotta start
Lookin at the hand of the time we’ve been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start livin it
Every second counts on a clock that’s tickin’
Gotta live like we’re dying

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying

Like we’re dying oh - like we’re dying [x2]

We only got
86 400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we’re dying
Live like we’re dying

This song contains a lot of truth. We need to make sure to tell those you care for that you love them. Show them that you truly do care. How else can the knowledge be made known? Give life a chance... you have to take some risks. Yes, mistakes will be made - but that is how you learn. Don't let life pass you by. However, at the same time - don't be naïve... some risks are worth taking and some are not. Learn to judge the difference. Don't let past mistakes come between you and making amends. Time on earth is short, make it count and push yourself to be the best version of yourself. Don't limit what you can do, don't compare yourself thinking you can never be as good a person as so-and-so. Give yourself some credit and make steps to better yourself.... and guess what? We are in the perfect season for that. LENT! Take this Lent to pray and ask God how to become the person He wants you to be. It is never too late. Start now. Make it a good Lent. Think of what Jesus did for each one of us. He gave His life for the betterment of mankind. Can you not offer even a fraction of that? Devote even 10 minutes a day to improve your relationship with God. He will take whatever you have to offer. HE loves you and is not afraid to tell you. Let Him.