Beauty and Romance

The title above may lead you to think along different lines than those I will be highlighting. I aim not to deceive you, but will discuss those that do have such intent.

I must first be honest; I have always been one of those girls that loves a good chick flick. I appreciate other films as well, but sometimes it's nice to have that "feel-good" romantic movie. It is something that I'm sure many women would also say is a statement of fact for them as well.

I recently engaged in a discussion about this very topic... and it (without my knowing) changed my perspective. I just watched the new release "Letters to Juliet." It is a very typical chick flick. (**SPOILER ALERT**) I put that alert just to be kind; however, it's kind of difficult to ruin a chick flick these days. When anyone sits down to watch one, the outcome is generally understood... which, 9 times out of 10 is why they are watched in the first place. This movie was about a girl who is engaged, goes on a "pre-honeymoon" (something of which I had never been aware of its existence...) to Barcelona wither her fiancé. The two of them end up spending barely any time together, realizing they are not meant to be together and the girl ends up finding the "love of her life" while helping another to do the same.

Now, to the deception... The conversation I referenced above was one, with a certain perspective, of high controversy. In the conversation, an analogy was made between romance novels/chick flicks and pornography. This was not a perfect analogy by any means, but certainly one worth taking the time to consider. Pornography is an attack on the dignity of the human person. One of my favorite quotes (which I, of course, fail to remember at the moment...) discusses how pornography doesn't show too much, but shows too little. The "too little" is obviously not referencing the physical. The beauty of the human person can be shown in a non-sexual way. Pornography emphasizes the sexual and takes away the humanity of the individual. The analogy took (just for this purpose) pornography as being a temptation for men... and compared it to romance novels/chick flicks to be a similar temptation for women. This analogy breaks down when you remember that pornography is evil at its root... whereas romance novels/chick flicks are not. However, both distort and misguide the beauty of the human person. Pornography does it in the way I have just described; romance novels/chick flicks do it in a different and, dare I say, an even more deceptive manner. These stories latch on to the female emotions and place desires and things to be desired in her mind. Women are always longing for that “prince charming” who is perfect in every way. These stories give women the criterion with which they can “measure up” their significant other. Sorry guys, but, the man is bound to fail.

What the women (and those who produce the films/stories) may or may not realize is that these desires for the perfect “one” is completely normal and legitimate. Don’t worry, I didn’t just contradict myself. This “One” is Jesus Christ Himself. While men and women both desire to be with Christ at their core… women do it in a very unique way. Because, as it says in the Ephesians 5, men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church… and women are called to be subordinate to their husbands – as the Church is to Christ. This is a hefty task for both parties. At the same time, the woman must realize that her husband is not perfect. He can strive to be Christ-like, but cannot attain perfection. These films may not portray men as perfect, but they teach women to desire perfection and accept nothing less. This is dangerous. This causes women to create a “laundry list” of sorts for that perfect one. This list takes away the humanity of the individual just as pornography does. Once again, this is on a different level, but has some comparable factors.

Now, any time I watch romantic films/chick flicks, I really try to keep this in mind. This is not to deter women from ever watching these again. However, it is critical that you keep yourself at a safe emotional distance. Remember, you can always find happiness… but, happiness is not for “ever after”… it is something that you must work for and realize that only true happiness comes with God’s grace. I’ve heard many times from happily married couples that they must *choose* to love each other every day. The desire may not always be present, especially at the most difficult times! I hope this has given you something to seriously consider.

Men: A Challenge for You

To all the men out there,

I have had several recent encounters that have compelled me to write this. There are some things in life that need to be mentioned and this is one of them.

In case you haven't heard: it is not flattering for women to hear comments about how "hott" she is. Yes, it is nice to be complimented on looks - however... there is a certain implication that comes along with a comment such as that.

Women need to hear that they are worth more than that. Men, this is a challenge for you. I challenge you to think about the way you look at and/or talk about women.

Do you see them as something for your visual pleasure? Do you see them as something that is there to satisfy your yearning for another?

OR

Do you respect women as people? Do you consider that perhaps, there is more beyond the surface and doesn't stop at looks alone?

This is not to say that men are the only ones guilty of this. As a woman, I know that we have fallen into this method of thinking as well. Men - you have the right to call women out on this too. These thoughts can really go both ways.

The point I am trying to focus on is this. There is a certain dignity and respect that EVERY person deserves. Even though it may seem harmless to call someone "hott" or something similar - superficial comments can cause scars. Let me explain further... take the following scenario:

All her life, Alice was complimented on looks. She went through life expecting people to notice how attractive she was. However, later in life - she discovered that all these comments left her feeling empty and yearning for more. Was this all she meant to people? What happens when she grows older and is no longer deemed attractive? This led her to obsess over her looks just to ensure that the comments continued. She did not fully realize the extent to which this damaged her outlook and those around her. Her friends may have gotten comments here and there - but nothing to the extent she did. This led to self-image issues all around. The obsession with looks took much of her time.

This story is sadly not far off of true scenarios. Society's obsession with looks has stemmed from the lack in respect of the dignity of the human person. This whole thing may sound a bit extreme - but sometimes, you have to expand more to make certain the point is understood.

To sum it up: Men, if there is someone that you care about in your life (or someone you would like to be in your life) - show her in a way that does not focus solely on looks. Yes, she does need to hear that she is beautiful - but, that comment needs to go beyond the surface. She can tell the difference between "you're beautiful" and "you're hott." I can guarantee you - any woman I know would much rather hear the former.

A great deal of what I discussed in here is mentioned in the book, 'Captivating.' (Or, possibly, 'Wild at Heart'... though I have not read that one.)

I hope this gives you something to think about and consider. It is not meant to be an attack - merely something to be made aware.