Life Changes

The last time I wrote in this blog was a little too long ago. I hope I can keep up a little better from here on out.

Again, I just have to say... God is SO good. I have gone through plenty of ups and downs over these many months. I have grown in my faith thanks to trials and blessings.

I continue to go in circles of wanting to know God's will for my life and then praising Him to no end for not revealing it to me too soon. I can't count the number of times I have looked back and nothing but the word "wow" can emerge from my mouth.

I really wonder what God is thinking sometimes. His ways will always be a mystery to me, His plans always falling into place so perfectly. You would think that after so many times of having the (seemingly) impossible things work out, I would just completely trust that He will take care of me. But, there goes human weakness. Isn't it funny how one of the major "human weaknesses" is to try and be too strong? I know that is an overwhelming weakness of mine.

I recently heard someone say, "Did God ever tell anyone in the Bible or elsewhere in history to go do something that is 100% fool-proof with merely their own abilities?" Absolutely not. God is famous for asking the impossible, which encourages us to trust in HIM and rely on His strength, not our own.

Whenever I look ahead in life and try to figure it out... it's like I'm looking through a pinhole while God has the birds eye view with instant zoom. There's no competing with that.

With only about 11 days until my patron saint, St. Therese of Lisieux's feast day - I am reminded of her little way. She has undoubtedly helped me throughout my life in countless ways. She has taught me so many things about our Lord and how to love. I'm going to do my best to stop trying to figure out God's will all the time and just trust that He DOES know what He's doing.

God's Providence

I can't sleep, so I figured that I might as well write down what's running through my head.

I am in complete awe of God's loving mercy and incredible grace. I have had some of the biggest challenges of my life in the last 6 months. Yet, I still know that I am profoundly blessed by God's grace. Even through the struggles and the hardships - God has revealed His glory and brilliance.

I have always believed that the devil attacks those who strive to do God's work. The devil especially attacks those who are in close communion with God. I have always believed this to be true. However, after being exposed to the devil's attacks... I KNOW this to be true. I did believe before, but it has become SO real.

Ever since I began my new job, there have been ups and downs all throughout. I know that successes and failures will come and go all the time; but, knowing something doesn't always prepare you for living through it. I found myself allowng the rollercoaster of successes and failures to determine my emotional state. This is not healthy. So, lately, I have tried my best to detach myself from those works and keep in mind that I have been called here to do God's work to the best of my ability, and delight in that work, no matter what the outcome. This is quite a challenge, but worth the effort.

Amidst attempting to keep myself detached from particular outcomes - I am also trying to detach myself from being discouraged by major roadblocks along the way; and working to discover the positive side of these things.

Most recently - I have had relentless issues with my car. It's funny because, every time, I think to myself... oh wow, it definitely could be worse. I just hope and pray that if I keep saying this - it doesn't continue to get worse, haha. It started with my breaks rusting out in a parking lot and basically exploding break fluid all over the place. I had to get it towed and all that fixed. But, praise God it happened when (and where) it did - because I was headed on a 12 hour trip in just a few days. Next, my car gets backed into by another person. THANKFULLY, no severe damage was done, just a dented bumper. I may still look into getting it fixed. However, just today... my tire went flat. I knew I needed to get new tires and was planning to get them looked at soon - but apparently they really couldn't wait one more day. (The latest I was going to have them checked out was going to be Monday.) Once again, praise God it happened when (and where) it did. I was on my way to a (nearby) discussion group. Thanks be to God that my friends were able to help me out and this did not occur on my 4-5 hour trek back from Kansas City. My guardian angel certainly has a rough job and is doing it very well.

After all this (and more), I have learned so much. I have learned about myself, how I deal with things -- and more importantly, how I can better deal with things. If anything, all these transitions in my life are allowing me the opportunity to better myself. I'm discovering new ways to cope through the trials of life and methods to help enrich the opportunities laid before me. I have discovered that it is better to embrace the suffering granted to me instead of despairing in it. I have taken this time to better develop my spiritual, social, physical and emotional aspects of life. I'm on different levels with each one, of course; but am granted the opportunity to grow in each area. I am very blessed and for that I am thankful. Praise be to God.

Priority

As defined by the Encarta World English Dictionary:

pri·or·i·ty [ prī áwrətee ]

1.     greatest importance: the state of having most importance or urgency

2.     somebody or something important: somebody or something that is ranked highly in terms of importance or urgency

3.     right of precedence: the right to be ranked above other

Now that we have an understanding of the word by definition... how would this word apply in someone's everyday life?

Americans live and breathe "priorities." But, have we ever really stopped to think about what measuring stick we're using to prioritize? I have recently undergone a lot of changes in my life, which have resulted in a great deal of re-thinking and re-organizing my priorities. I have to be honest, the way in which my priorities are listed are quite different than they might have appeared a year ago.

In today's Gospel, Jesus tells a parable of a rich man. This parable essentially discusses priorities. How we behave in this life does in fact have an impact on our next life. Where is God placed in the scheme of things?In the past several months that I have gone through so many transitions, it has sometimes been difficult for me to put God first. It's funny how the times you need Him most are the times you fail to seek Him. It has taken a decent amount of time, but I have finallly discovered some methods to avoid doing so. In order for me to put God first, I have to invite Him into my life more. He is a true Gentleman... He will not "intrude" without an invitation.

So, I began setting aside daily times to pray. It seems so simple, but in all actuality - it was difficult for me to do. Reason being, I had always "tried" to fit in times here and there and never really had a set time to pray. For my kind of personality, I need structure if I am going to remember to do something daily. Once I set this time aside and it became regular... it's amazing how much God has made a difference already. When I simply let Him into my life, things changed very quickly. I became happier. At times (when I first moved into my apartment) I felt lonely. Once I began daily prayer, the loneliness disappeared; this happened not only because God filled the void... but because He brought some wonderful people into my life.

As soon as I made God my first priority, everything else fell into place. My life is still busy and hectic, but it makes more sense and doesn't feel empty. Moving to a new place, starting a new job and leaving everything you know 600 miles behind you is a hefty task. I had no idea what I was initially getting myself into... but God did. He knew I would need Him. He knew what I could handle and carried me through the roughest times. I never want to feel as low as I did when I was first faced with all of these big life changes. I want to be armed with God behind me every step of the way. As I said, God is a Gentleman. So, He will always be there... you just have to invite Him to come closer and you will discover His abounding grace.

Sunday Reflections

I've been trying my best to be a little bit more reflective and analytical of what has happened in my life lately. I have had a massive swirl of changes that all occurred within a very short span of time. In all reality, I have been abundantly blessed. I need to learn more of how to appreciate that fact.

I'm realizing that every challenge that has been thrown in my direction has been an opportunity. When I recount my experience of first moving to where I am now... I am astounded at how God guided me through that journey. The first challenge was the incredibly long drive. I was fortunate to remember that two good friends live approximately halfway through the 10 hour drive. So, my sister and I stayed at their place and had a wonderful time catching up and spending some time with them. Many good things came from that decision. Then, once my sister and I got to my new apartment, I was given an opportunity to embrace patience with the staff of the complex... and perseverance in dealing with the humid 106 degree temperatures and the flight of stairs that stood between my 2 carloads of stuff and my new home. The challenges that immediately followed included time constraints, gate changes for my flight and a severe lack of sleep.

Even though it was a very time-pressed weekend moving in, I appreciate how God eased me into my new life. After that weekend, I spent a week of training in DC and met lots of great people. It gave me the mental and inspirational support I needed. Once the week was over, I was exhausted... but in a way that made me realize what was to come. It was only the beginning! I got back to my region and jumped in head-first. Started going off to schools, making meetings and appointments and working as hard as I could. My first week was not as productive as I had hoped. However, I was able to reflect, look at the mistakes I made along the way and work to improve.

The next challenges that came were a bit more unexpected. Dealing with a bit of loneliness and frustrations with those who disagreed with the work I do has been difficult. Fortunately I am slowly meeting people, found a great young adults' group and a small discussion group to attend. All the people are great and it's so good to be back sharing the faith with others. It is so important to have fellowship to help keep you on track and feel like you're not alone in this journey. I know the challenge of loneliness will fade with time, but I just need to get over the obstacle now and press on. Facing the opposition is a whole different story. It's necessary to learn strength and not let attacks touch you at such a personal level. That is one aspect I don't believe I prepared myself for very well. It will take some learning and strategy, but I know it can be overcome.

All in all, things are good... I just need to take these challenges and use them as opportunities like I previously stated. The only direction I can move is forward, the past is behind me and I only see better things lying ahead. For, "if the what you did yesterday still looks big to you, you haven't done much today."

New Beginnings

In under a month, my life has done a 180. I went from a state uncertainty in nearly every aspect of my life to where I am now. I have an amazing full-time job, an apartment of my own and a bright future ahead of me. This is not to say I wasn't happy or trusting that through God's grace things would work out... only that I couldn't see any stability in my near future. Now, praise God, stability is unmistakably present and prominent.

My experiences in the last 4 months of my life are ones that I never expected, but would never take back. I enjoyed every challenge, every joy and every opportunity.

As I adjust to my new surroundings, I'm realizing that living alone may not be the worst thing ever (as I previously had imagined). I have been blessed with an opportunity to get to know myself and focus more on my work and my relationship with God. I can budget my own time, prioritize and more easily navigate my life to allow for greater efficiency. However, I am still learning the challenges of living by myself. I have to be more of a self-starter than ever. I have to push myself to keep my priorities in line and not lose track of where I spend my time and where keep my focus.

Last night I attended a wonderful young adults' group in the area. I realized that fellowship in the faith is undoubtedly something I cannot live without. There are reasons that "faith community" and other similar phrases are emphasized upon discussion of growing in the faith. Personal growth and reflection is definitely important -- but sharing that faith with others is essential as well.

The discussion last night also made me realize how much I need to keep intellectual reading and conversation a part of my life. Discussing philosophy and theology invigorates me and I really miss having classes and regular discussions on the topics. However, keeping up on pro-life literature and other books in my library will certainly help. =) All in all, life is good and is looking better all the time.

God's Ever-Astounding Plan

God never fails to baffle me with his magnificent plan for my life. I can confidently admit that even the most difficult and trying times of the last few months have fallen into place with God's carefully articulated plan. As I go through all the struggles I have endured, I realize why each challenge was necessary and sit in amazement.

I think I can start with my very first few weeks in Chicago. My path to attain a Chicago Plus Card was one of the most grueling processes ever... I felt like I was being put to the ultimate test of patience. I won't bore you with all the details. Let's just say that after 2 weeks of having my card first stolen, failure to send a replacement, poor customer service, and delay upon delay -- I had finally become the owner of a Chicago Plus Card. Oh joy and joyness.

What I failed to even contemplate is that it was possible that something good was to come out of this experience. Thanks to the 2-week delay, I did in fact save money; as I am about to start a new job in 3 weeks, my monthly pass will end right on time. Praise God.

The second, seemingly never-ending, challenge I was faced with was finding somewhere to live after the end of my current sublease. This has a whole slew of problems and struggles attached. I first tried finding a full lease with a roommate -- that failed for several reasons and was the most trying of the struggles due to these issues that I won't go into. I then tried finding another sublease but was incredibly hesitant to sign any of the ones I found -- for reasons I later discovered...

This lesson was even more important than the first. I learned that God allowed me to go through these weeks of stress and some tears to discover what I needed to do. TRUST HIM. I thought I was trusting what God wanted me to do, but no, I had barely begun. Once I said I give up on forcing my plan into God's plan, everything fell together. If you have you ever heard the quote, "Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans," then you understand how I am feeling now. It is also incredibly true that hindsight is 20/20. When you look back on what has happened, you begin to understand why. It may never be crystal clear, but it usually makes more sense than it did at the time. Another aspect of this particular lesson was learning what to look for and what not to look for in an apartment in a big city. This lesson is so incredibly valuable... as I move to another big city and find a place to live in a mere 3 weeks!

Life has become a fast-paced roller-coaster; but, I'm ready with God's grace as my seatbelt securing me for the ride.

God's Timing

It's truly incredible when you think about it. Sometimes it is difficult to have faith that everything will work out. But, if you open your heart to listen... God WILL speak to you.

I have had a significant amount of free time these past few days. It has given me time to relax, take pleasure in reading, watching movies, playing games and praying. Prayer is something that has become so central in my life. Ever since I started focusing more on prayer life, things really began to fall together... and at those times when I need it the most-- God brings me back and gives me the nourishment my spirit was thirsting for.

Today was a great example of this. I was praying evening prayer, and the reading could not have been more appropriate for me to hear at this point in my life. It is as follows:

Colossians 1:9b-11
"May you attain full knowledge of God's will through perfect wisdom and spiritual insight. Then you will lead a life worthy of the Lord and pleasing to him in every way. You will multiply good works of every sort and grow in the knowledge of God. By the might of his glory you will be endowed with the strength needed to stand fast, even to endure joyfully whatever may come."

God is AMAZING, isn't He?! I have just graduated from college, have moved to a new city and am about to start a new job... what better time than NOW to hear this passage?! God has given me SO much reassurance right when it is most needed. Any question or doubt that I am on the right path has been tossed out the window. I feel like my spiritual armor is on and I am ready to go out and fight the good fight. Ready or not, here I come!